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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236559">That Poor Unfortunate Soul</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay'>Imogen_LeFay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seblaine Week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Glee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Rewrite, Day 2: Modern Retelling, Depression, M/M, Reactions to canonical suicide attempt, Season 3, Seblaine Week 2020, The little mermaid allegory, kind of</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:35:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,148</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25236559</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Leaving behind Dalton is like leaving behind his home, his voice, for the promise of love, lured by a prince into another world. In the end, nothing turns out as Blaine thought.<br/>A season 3 rewrite, in which Blaine tries to make his way in a foreign world, his prince isn’t as welcoming as he should be, and Sebastian turns out to be more of a temptation than he expected.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Seblaine Week 2020 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1828807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>98</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Seblaine Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>That Poor Unfortunate Soul</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've been thinking a lot about what to do with this prompt, had some thoughts about Hades/Persephone or Ariadne/Dionysos, but couldn’t bring them back to the source material. I was about to skip the day, and then the little mermaid popped up in my brain. Except in a bit darker. Then I looked up the original story and figured, hey, I can follow that one, kind of. Which is where the story started.<br/>But, boy, did it get away from me, so what I ended up with is a dive into an angsty stream-of-consciousness mind, and depression. </p><p>So here we are, a season 3 rewrite as an allegory of The Little Mermaid. Contains depression and reactions to canonical suicide attempt.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>“I never even knew your wardrobe was this… colorful.”</p><p>Blaine isn’t quite sure if it’s supposed to be a compliment, but he’s going to take it as one. After all, it’s a nice shirt – And really, there’s no point in worrying about anything. Right now, he’s pretty happy. It’s summer, the school year’s over, he’s free to enjoy the long days. He has his job performing at Six Flags and while the material isn’t exactly challenging, he has lots of fun. Kurt’s come and seen him twice so far, but Blaine absolutely understands if his pale boyfriend won’t step out into the sun for hours several times. It’s good enough if they see each other on Blaine’s free days, like today. And obviously, being on vacation, he finally has the chance to pull out a few other things out of his wardrobe than his Dalton blazer. Sure, the white shirt with the tight checkered pattern of blue and red is a bit more extravagant than what he’s worn so far, but he doesn’t have to hide from his boyfriend. For one, they’re in love, and also, Kurt could write the book on outrageous outfits. No judgment there.</p><p>At least that’s what Blaine tells himself, and decides not to dwell too much on the tone.</p><p>They’re meeting at the Lima Bean, enjoying one of his days off, as well as their coffee. They day’s sunny, they have no obligations, and everything is fine. Really, they can talk about more interesting things than his wardrobe.</p><p>“You know,” Kurt says, and Blaine is ready to go with whatever subject change coming his way, “it’s really a shame you don’t get to figure out your own style. It’s always the blazer, day in and out… Just imagine what you could come up with if your creativity wasn’t continuously stifled by that tie…”</p><p>Blaine’s face falls before he can control the expression.</p><p>This again.</p><p>“But, alas, I don’t see how that’s ever going to happen at Dalton.”</p><p>“I like the blazer,” Blaine says, pretending not to see Kurt’s actual point. “Besides, I won’t be at Dalton forever. I’m going to graduate at some point. Speaking of which… have you looked into colleges yet?” It’s a clumsy distraction, but it works. Maybe because there are still weeks ahead of them, in which he knows Kurt will bring up transferring to McKinley, again and again and again to the point where he won’t be able to avoid it.</p><p>The thing is, Blaine gets it. He wants to spend every minute with his boyfriend, of course. And that was a lot easier when they both attended the same school. But Kurt left Dalton. Blaine on the other hand isn’t convinced of McKinley, no matter how not-so-subtly Kurt tries to push him towards a transfer. At some point, Blaine knows he’ll have to put his foot down, explain why it will never happen. Even if he wanted to – and again, he’s far from convinced – he knows his parents would never be okay with it. Like they’d seriously take him out of an excellent private school in favor for a school like McKinley.</p><p>Then again, that’s actually a good thing. This way Blaine can refuse a transfer without being to blame for it.</p><p>He smiles into his coffee as Kurt talks about Julliard and Tisch. It’s fine.</p>
<hr/><p>It’s fine, until it isn’t. The summer vacation is almost over, and Blaine actually had to play the parent card to get out of the latest “why-you-should-transfer-to-McKinley” conversation. Their talk didn’t exactly end on a good note, but Blaine isn’t too worried about them. And at least now it’s out in the open. Really, this is a good thing.</p><p>But the next time his family is having dinner, the door bell rings. When his mother returns, she’s not alone but in the company of a woman in a red tracksuit, which Blaine needs only a moment to recognize as McKinley’s insane cheerleading coach.</p><p>“What a charming little place,” she says, a smirk etched into her face as if it was chiseled into it, “and so lovely to meet Mr. and Mrs. Prince Eric senior. Now, I won’t interrupt your dinner for long, but it would be a crime to neglect informing you just how much better your son can do than trying to revolutionize the house system at gay Hogwarts.”</p><p>Blaine stares at her, his jaw dropping slightly. But it’s only the beginning. He understands about a third of all her sentences and has a feeling his parents are faring even worse. But by the time dinner has gone cold, his parents are convinced that transferring to McKinley is a wonderful idea.</p><p>“All you have to do is sign here,” the coach says, as she puts a bunch of papers in front of Blaine.</p><p>“I’m not legal,” Blaine mutters, but she doesn’t seem to care.</p><p>“It does sound sensible,” his mother says, just a hint of doubt hesitation in her voice, “isn’t this what you want, sweetheart?”</p><p>Blaine thinks of Kurt, and how happy he’d be. But he also thinks about Dalton, about the warblers. How he can’t just abandon them like this. How they’re the one place he feels sure of himself, comfortable to be himself. The place where he found his voice.</p><p>Can he really sign it away, just like that?</p><p>But he closes his eyes, and he sees Kurt’s smile, and he thinks yes, maybe this could be a good idea. Trading his voice, leaving his home for love. It’s kind of poetic.</p><p>As he signs his name, he looks up at Sue. There’s a glint in her eyes that makes him uneasy. But it’s too late to take anything back. The deal is done, and now he’s going to make the best of it.</p>
<hr/><p>McKinley is not what Blaine expected. Maybe he was naïve to think he knew what he was getting into. But from Kurt’s narrations and meeting some of them, he had a picture of what to expect. The school itself has a bit of a wild west feel, no laws except the ones the students make. Asshole jocks with a few exceptions, and of course the New Directions. A family, he’s been promised. Different as they were, they’d always stick together and stand up for each other. Each of them can stand tall, show their individual talent and be respected for it.</p><p>It’s not like that at all.</p><p>He tries to be one of them, but the acceptance he expected doesn’t come. Finn treats him like an intruder, tells him to shut up and sit down. He sings one solo – which, everyone is doing that, he thought that’s what everyone is doing – and Santana throws a tantrum at his mere presence, leaving the New Directions with half the girls in tow to found the Trouble Tones. The people still left in New Directions don’t pay much attention to him, see him as an extension of Kurt – the boyfriend if he’s lucky, the ex-warbler for the rest of the time. He has no voice with them.</p><p>The school musical is a chance to step out of that role. He imagines what it would be like. Tony, such an iconic character. He wants it, surprises himself with how much he does. It’s an amazing role, a great point on his resume, and more importantly, a chance to shine, to show McKinley just who he is, not just an addendum, but someone to reckon with.</p><p>He stops himself. For days Kurt has had no other subject in mind than NYADA, and how he needed the school musical, as well as a Nationals victory and becoming student council president on his resume, to be considered by such an exclusive school. Blaine always nods and is sympathetic. He knows there’s no point to say what he really thinks – that senior year is too late to start with this, how he should have half a dozen extracurriculars lined up since at least last year, how Blaine himself is starting, not only with glee club but also debate, considering the mathletes… but none of that would help Kurt with his concerns over NYADA, so he keeps quiet.</p><p>Instead, he throws everything into Glee performances smiling wide and smothering that upset voice – it wasn’t supposed to be like this, he didn’t sign up for this, except he literally did without knowing it. And when he auditions for West Side Story, he suggests some side character. That’s who he is here at McKinley, apparently, and maybe by sticking to this role he can win people’s confidence and eventually feel like he belongs.</p><p>He didn’t try to be cast as Tony. When he gets the role, he isn’t sure how to feel about it. He knows Kurt is upset that he isn’t considered, but obviously his boyfriend supports him. And if there’s sometimes a tightness around his eyes, Blaine ignores it. Maybe this will help him to be heard by the people at McKinley.</p><p>Still, Mr Shue seems not to notice his presence, the remaining girls see him as Kurt’s boyfriend, the guys ignore him, and Finn yells at him more, especially when he starts one-on-one rehearsals with Rachel – who’s in a feud with Kurt, so that’s another conflict he’s drawn into.</p><p>He’s trying. He really is. But it’s just so damn exhausting.</p><p>When he skips glee club to offer West Side Story tickets to the Warblers, it’s mostly to get away from his school, its confusing conflicts and policies, and get a bit of a break. He misses Dalton more than he can say – definitely more than he’s allowed to say – and he yearns for its safety, that sense of belonging.</p><p>But oh, did he not see Sebastian Smythe coming.</p><p>One moment, he’s watching his friends performing their new routine, then his eyes meet a pair he hasn’t encountered yet. There’s a smirk on the new guy’s face as he comes closer, and Blaine can’t take his eyes off him until he’s drawn right in. They don’t know each other, and still this guy pulls him to the group, includes him, and his voice…</p><p>Blaine finds himself breathless after the number, and it’s not because of the choreography.</p><p>He offers them tickets, and everyone accepts happily.</p><p>“Once a Warbler, always a Warbler,” the new guy says, like it doesn’t even matter that Blaine isn’t on the team anymore, like he can still belong.</p><p>Blaine came to Dalton for a reason, not to hang out. So he doesn’t mind when people disperse after he gives them the tickets – he’s already happy that they care enough to want to catch his show. But the new guy stays back, still looking at him with this weird intensity.</p><p>“Blaine Anderson,” the new guy says as they shake hands, and good, right, Blaine totally remembered that, not like he forgot his own name for a second… “Sebastian Smythe,” the new guy finally introduces himself.</p><p>Blaine says something stupid, too focused on silencing his first thought (<em>your voice gave me chills</em>), so what comes out is an inane question. Sebastian’s eyebrows rise, and Blaine finds himself blushing, flustered.</p><p>Sebastian grins at him, like he’s being charming instead of a total fool, and when he asks Blaine to get coffee together, he agrees before even thinking about it.</p><p>It’s easy, talking to Sebastian. Easier than talking to Kurt, who’s so busy worrying about his resume for NYADA. Easier than talking to other Warblers, because how can he even begin to tell them that he abandoned them without really thinking things through, how he wonders so often if he made the right choice? How McKinley feels like he’s walking on knives, and nobody hears him?</p><p>Sebastian doesn’t know Blaine Warbler, hasn’t even met Kurt so literally can’t see him as just the boyfriend, doesn’t see him as a threat like Finn does, or an asset to be used on the stage, like Artie and maybe Mr. Shue.</p><p>Sebastian just sees him. And he listens.</p><p>It’s a bit delicate, integrating Sebastian into his life. Kurt hates him, and Blaine can’t quite blame him, so after that disastrous night at Scandals, he keeps Sebastian and their conversations on the downlow. (He doesn’t dare to admit to himself that the night wasn’t a complete disaster, how despite the ending, the evening itself had been nice – being free, and young, and happy, and how Sebastian’s laughter rang in his ears as they danced).</p><p>It’s such a relief to have someone to talk to, to listen to him. McKinley still feels stifling, suffocating, like he could stand in the middle of the school and scream and people would just ignore him. But Sebastian listens.</p><p>“They’re a mess,” he says on the phone, “and I’m trying, I really am. I have dozens of ideas, but nobody even listens to me. Every time I even open my mouth, Finn looks at me like… I don’t even know.”</p><p>“That’s the tall one, right? The one who stumbles over his feet when he’s walking?” Sebastian asks.</p><p>It’s a bit mean, but it’s a relief to have someone to vent to. He knows better than to complain about New Directions to Kurt, who always gets defensive way too fast – at least when it comes to his glee club, because he certainly isn’t defending his boyfriend to his brother, and that’s a whole other mess Blaine refuses to consider.</p><p>“He’s somehow considered the leader,” Blaine says, “and he’s not even that good.”</p><p>“At singing?”</p><p>“At leading. The club literally broke under him, everyone’s sniping at each other, but somehow, it’s my fault because I sing two solos, and suddenly that’s me trying to take over the club. And Mr. Shue does literally nothing. I don’t even know what he’s here for. And now Finn has this idea to go to Kentucky to recruit a guy who went to McKinley last year, because that will save us, and all the time I’m sitting there, trying to give input, and nobody even listens.” He stops himself, because this is getting too close to home, to things he can’t speak of, because while he knows to his core it’s true, he is aware that he couldn’t put it into words anyone would understand.</p><p>Sebastian hums, and for a moment, Baine wonders what he’s going to say, holding his breath if he maybe really understands.</p><p>“I mean, obviously I’m not in your club, and I don’t get what’s going on there. But I’ve seen enough to know that most of that club has nothing on you, definitely not the guy who dances bad enough to break someone’s nose. So screw him. You don’t need to convince every single person. Just the majority. And then he can throw as many over-sized tantrums as he wants. In the end, you’re too good not to win.”</p><p>Blaine smiles, and for a moment, he feels warmer than before. He tries to tell himself that Sebastian doesn’t quite understand the dynamics at McKinley, that he’s definitely overestimating Blaine’s actual impact if he’s only listening to Warbler stories.</p><p>It’s still nice to hear though.</p><p>The conversation soon veers off to whatever is going on with Thad’s obsessive search for Wes’s missing gavel, but the warmth lingers.</p>
<hr/><p>It gets a bit better after Sectionals. The Trouble Tones are back in the group, Finn not only apologized but actually changed his behavior. Sam accepts his apology, and he’s pretty sure they’ll be able to work together. He still hasn’t quite found his voice, but for the first time since the beginning of the school year, he feels like this could work out.</p><p>It all comes crashing down, of course.</p><p>And to make it worse, it’s Sebastian who crashes it.</p><p>When it comes down to it, he knows better than announce their glee club plans to a rival choir, even with the history between the Warblers and him. It hadn’t seemed like such a big deal – yes, they’ve been talking about doing Michael, but when he talked to Sebastian those plans weren’t even concrete yet, and they never even got to the point of writing a setlist – not that New Directions bothered with until right before a competition anyway. But Sebastian takes the idea, tells them Blaine is the one who spilled the beans, and promises to play dirty.</p><p>Whatever clout Blaine managed to win with New Directions, it’s gone. He’s back to being the outsider, Blaine Warbler, or possibly the traitor.</p><p>The worst thing is how dumb he feels, how he trusted Sebastian only to be stabbed in the back. He isn’t sure how he could feel worse.</p><p>One slushie later, he knows.</p><p>Blaine hates hospitals, how he keeps ending up in them. His eyes still burn, even through the pain killers. He wants to cry, but that would make it worse. His mother is sitting by his bedside, not letting go off his hand, and she’s sniffling, like she’s trying not to cry, or at least doesn’t want him to hear. He’s going to have surgery, and hopefully, it will be okay.</p><p>But really, it’s not.</p><p>He wants to scream, how this is unfair, how Sebastian could hurt him, how the Warblers could just leave him there. Worse that nothing will come from this. He knows there will be no punishment, Dalton will protect its reputation, and to hell with one former student.</p><p>Kurt comes to visit, trying to distract him by telling him what’s going on at McKinley while he’s preparing for, then recovering from surgery. Blaine smiles and pretends to care, because he can’t exactly tell Kurt that he doesn’t care about the substitute Spanish teacher, especially not with how detailed his boyfriend describes the guy’s physique. For a moment he considers the contradiction of Kurt all but fawning over this Martinez guy when he hadn’t gone further than clothed make-outs with his boyfriend in weeks. But that’s neither charitable nor gentlemanly, so Blaine holds back.</p><p>Because, really, it’s worse when Kurt goes home and leaves Blaine to his thoughts.</p><p>They can turn just a bit too dark sometimes, especially lately. He thinks about Dalton, but it feels like a door has closed. It’s ridiculous of course. He chose to leave its safety, signed it all away to be with his love. And now, he had buyer’s remorse. Not about Kurt, but about the school. He probably should have thought about all of this before.</p><p>But in a way… doesn’t he deserve this?</p><p>He did make a deal, to leave Dalton, that voice he managed to build, to be with Kurt. For that, he left his home and went to McKinley. But it doesn’t feel like he really has a place there.</p><p>Sebastian, though…</p><p>That couldn’t have been part of the contract. He made a sacrifice to be with Kurt, but then he just went and got the things he needed, was lacking, from Sebastian – the conversations about everything and nothing, a support system where he didn’t have to hold back on all the trouble he had with New Directions, and Sebastian would listen.</p><p>He made a deal, and he tried to get more. More than his share. More than he agreed to. Really, this was probably just the just punishment for his greed. He wanted to be heard, to be seen. Now he not only lost his voice, but almost his eyes, too.</p><p>There’s something poetic about it.</p><p>He can’t cry, his eye needs to heal, but it’s hard.</p><p>He understands, though. The deal stands, and he signed it. There is no going back. He has to give up Sebastian. Would have done so anyway, but now he understands why. He remembers how his signature looked on the paper.</p><p>There’s a text on his phone from a number he remembers by heart. He deletes it without reading.</p><p><em>Stay in your lane</em>, he tells himself. It hurts, but it has to be this way.</p>
<hr/><p>Trying gets harder. Everything gets harder, really. He blocks Sebastian number, if only to spare himself the temptation of answering one of the texts. Or maybe call, just to yell at him.</p><p>Blaine throws himself into New Directions, which leads to neglecting the rest of his extracurriculars, but it doesn’t even seem to cause problems. Almost like it doesn’t matter. They have to be prepared for Regionals. He isn’t sure what they’re doing yet. The Michael idea has tapered off, and it makes him wonder if it was worth any of that hassle.</p><p>Probably not, and that makes it all even worse.</p><p>At least his eyes are fine, if a little more light-sensitive, and won’t this be fun the next time he stands in the spotlight? But he’ll move on and get through it, because what else is he supposed to do? So every morning he wakes with the alarm, fights with himself to get out of bed and onto his feet.</p><p>It gets just a bit harder every day.</p><p>It gets to a point where it’s hard to ignore, how the sky looks just a bit more grey than blue, how coffee has just a bit more of a bitter taste. How he sits beside Kurt in glee club and feels like there’s a wall between him.</p><p>He performs, throws himself into even every background performance, and it’s when he’s noticed, in a way. Not heard, not really, but it’s something. Still, though, as he dances, surrounded by people who he was promised would feel like family and just don’t, it’s like he’s walking on knives. But he continues, because… what else is there?</p><p>He feels like he’s suffocating. And so, he tries once more to cry out. He grabs Kurt, leads him to the auditorium, he goes on stage, and he lets loose. He’s worried at first that Cough Syrup is too on the nose, maybe overdramatic for how he feels, but he has to show that he’s not okay. And isn’t that what everyone at New Directions does? Scream at the top of their lungs, just to be heard?</p><p>He traded his voice, but he can’t be inaudible forever, surely?</p><p>Just for a moment, it works. He finishes the song, and Kurt actually looks at him, concerned, like he’s heard him, and his pain. But then they’re told about David Karofsky’s suicide attempt. It’s a shock, and everything else pales in comparison. For just a few days, Blaine honestly forgets how he’s feeling. Everyone is upset, and shocked. He’s being supportive of Kurt, who feels guilty about the whole thing. They talk at glee club about their worst points, Mr. Shue even sharing his own suicidal thoughts in the past. Some of the other members share dark points in their past, but when it’s be Blaine’s turn, his tongue is tied. He hasn’t been okay in a while, but… it’s not anywhere near <em>this</em>. How can he even begin to compare the consequences of his own decisions with something as serious as suicide? He wants to talk about it, how empty things seem sometimes, but the truth is he never thought about hurting himself, or death. In comparison, it just seems so trivial. Unimportant. And he doesn’t feel safe enough to talk freely without fear of judgement. So he tells them about Sadie Hawkins, and when has the worst thing that happened to him become easier to talk about than just feeling numb?</p><p>Sebastian requests a meeting, and Blaine wants to scream. It feels wrong, to see him sitting there in the Lima Bean, to remember meeting here to do homework, discuss the Warblers and New Directions, and whatever came to their minds. But now it’s nothing like that. They’re enemies, and just seeing him rips open the barely healed wound again, of trusting someone and being betrayed.</p><p>To his surprise, Sebastian apologizes, and Blaine wants to ignore it. Words are cheap, and why should he believe them now? He’s believed before, and where did it get him? (There’s another voice, another possibility, that maybe he’s sincere, wants to make amends, and that might be even scarier. Bad things happen when he tries to be heard, and the temptation is still too much).</p><p>It’s not just words, though. Actions follow. They agree to put their rivalries behind them and collect money for Karofsky’s family. It’s a good thing, and Blaine should feel happy. He’s still numb, though.</p><p>He makes the mistake of looking at Sebastian, sees the sincerity in his eyes, and he can’t not believe it. When he closes his eyes, he imagines how it could have been, imagines lying on his bed, phone by his ear, eyes trained to the ceiling, and Sebastian’s voice filling the room, and then maybe he would say something. <em>Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed</em>, he’d say. Or,<em> It feels like nobody even notices me. </em>There’d be a silence, and if he was lucky, the answer would come, a bit too low, too honest. <em>I notice you</em>. He’d know it’s true, and that’s why he can’t start. So he turns away.</p><p>The Warblers perform at Regionals, and it’s everything. When he starts singing, Sebastian’s eyes seem to find Blaine in the crowd straight away, they single him out, like a laser, like nobody else is even in the auditorium. The music picks up, they’re dancing, and before he starts the verse, Sebastian is looking at him again, just a nod of his head, and Blaine rises to his feet like he’s pulled on a string. He notices New Directions following the movements, standing ovations for their rival, but all he really sees are Sebastian’s eyes.</p><p>That could have been him on that stage, with the Warblers, sharing solos with Sebastian, and there would have been no drama, no stolen setlist ideas, just the music.</p><p>Just home.</p><p>He gets over it by the time New Directions are up. He shouts the lyrics of his rap, taking turns with Santana, dancing and singing his heart out. The lights are blinding, but he powers through, takes the pain and transforms it into a performance that he knows the audience won’t be able to resist. Even as he’s hurting, it feels like for once, he’s escaped the ice, the suffocation, like he can almost make it. His skin is tingling, and he holds onto it with everything he has. It doesn’t even matter if they win or don’t, just this fleeting feeling of being alive.</p><p>They win. He steps to the middle of the stage, taking Sebastian’s hand. It’s a congratulations, an apology accepted, but it’s also a goodbye, because… it has to be, right? He tried to keep both in his life, McKinley and Dalton, Kurt and Sebastian, but it’s not fair, and he’s made a deal. A new life.</p><p>Would be nice if it could start at some point.</p>
<hr/><p>They’re preparing for Nationals, except they’re not. Blaine is trying, even more with the memory of Regionals. Music will save him, if nothing else will, and he pours whatever he has into it. He sings a few solos at glee club – it’s what people do, and holding back won’t make him any more accepted anyway – but nothing he does is considered for Nationals. Of course, he’s probably several weeks early.</p><p>Sebastian texts him from time to time, “borrowing” the phones from other Warblers. (He’s still blocked, and Blaine feels guilty for keeping it that way, except he knows he’ll feel even guiltier for changing it). Blaine doesn’t text back, can’t bring himself to answer. It’s better this way, really. He has to focus on his new life, if he ever wants to get anywhere.</p><p>He walks through the halls of McKinley, and Sue Sylvester is looming over everything. He wishes his mother had slammed the door in her face. But he can’t blame her for his own decisions.</p><p>Kurt never brings up Cough Syrup, and Blaine doesn’t have the strength to do so himself. It’s all been swept away by Karofsky’s suicide attempt. And the thing is, Blaine gets it. He felt that way himself, that this was more important than anything else at the time. And yes, of course, his problems aren’t anywhere near that level.</p><p>But it’s been months and he’s still a fish out of water, surrounded by air that he isn’t able to breathe, and…</p><p>He knows how this works, knows how to function. He struggles every morning until he forces himself out of bed, to shave, and forces his hair into submission. At least that’s something he can control. He’s looking impeccable, as if that can hide what a mess he is inside. All the time, he wonders. Can anyone see?</p><p>Maybe that’s another reason to avoid Sebastian.</p><p>And really, he’s the only person who has to be avoided. Probably because he’s the only one who would bother to follow him if he ran.</p><p>Kurt and Rachel get really into their auditions for NYADA, and it’s… it’s all they talk about. NYADA, auditions, New York, apartments, rent, how they should try to get into a production of rent, NYADA, if they should get a student job, how soon they should start auditioning for shows in their freshman year, New York, where to live, should they get room mates, is Finn coming with them, NYADA…</p><p>And when Rachel isn’t with them, Kurt just keeps talking as if she still is, like it’s fine that Blaine doesn’t really want to hear about any of this. Kurt is happy to keep rambling about his future in New York, and Blaine…</p><p>Yeah, what about Blaine?</p><p>He can see it so clearly. Kurt is going to New York with Rachel, he’ll go to NYADA, find his way in the Big Apple, where everything is bigger and brighter than boring Lima, Ohio. He’ll have a whole new life.<em> Of course</em>, he won’t have the time to think about his boring high school boyfriend stuck in boring small town Ohio. And Blaine will have signed away his voice for love, and be stranded without either of them, in a school that still doesn’t feel like home, maybe never will, suffocating.</p><p>He might as well dissolve into foam. It probably won’t hurt as much.</p><p>Kurt asks him to go to some music store selling sheet music to find something for his NYADA audition, and he declines. He wants to scream. But he knows, it’s pointless. Instead, he gets some coffee at the Lima Bean, focuses on the warmth of the liquid like it could actually transfer to him.</p><p>The Lima Bean is a place for him and Kurt, and then Sebastian, and at some point it will be only him, and just thinking of it is terrifying. Standing in line alone, he tries to imagine what it will feel like, in a few month, when he won’t have a choice but to be alone, and when the thought has run its course, he realizes he doesn’t quite remember how to breathe anymore. Not as easily, at least. Breathing was easy at some point, right?</p><p>That’s where Sebastian finds him, sitting at a table and staring at his coffee. He says something casual in greeting, words barely piercing through the haze in Blaine’s mind, but… he looks up, and feels guilt crash down on him. For ignoring Sebastian when he genuinely is remorseful for his actions, might just need a hand to take his second chance and run with it. For the hitch in his breathe, and what would Kurt say if he saw them talking? For that split second thought, that maybe Kurt wouldn’t care at all, because he’s off to New York anyway, so what does he care who Blaine talks to?</p><p>But Sebastian smiles at him, and he smiles back – if only because there’s this almost overwhelming urge to talk, to reach out, and… he can’t, can he?</p><p>“You’re kind of hard to get hold of,” Sebastian says.</p><p>There are a million things he could say to that. How Sebastian is being pretty persistent. How maybe he should get the message by now.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he says instead, casting his eyes down.</p><p>They’re quiet for a moment, and he can feel Sebastian’s eyes on him. He wonders what he looks like, if Sebastian still can see through him like he’s transparent, still read him like he can actually hear his thoughts. Or maybe it’s dissolved into radio silence, too.</p><p>“Listen, Blaine… I know, I’ve really fucked up. If you never wanted to talk to me, I’d understand. I’d definitely deserve that. Say the word, and I’ll leave you be.” He paused, as if expecting it immediately. When it doesn’t come, he continues. “But I miss you. I miss our friendship. I miss talking to you. And I think, so do you. So if there’s anything I can do to fix it… to fix us… you know, I would.”</p><p>He can see it for a moment. How nice it would be. To call Sebastian, and just talk, have someone listen. Actually listen. Tell him that it’s okay what he feels, that it’s valid. And maybe then, next year wouldn’t be so hard.</p><p>He wants to tell Sebastian that he’s forgiven, that he misses their friendship too, desperately so. Most importantly, he needs someone to hear him, that he is not okay, and nobody seems to notice. And if they noticed, would they care?</p><p>But his voice doesn’t sound, it’s like he’s choking on the air, and it’s too much, and yet too little.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he chokes out, and even these two words burn in his throat. “I can’t.”</p><p>He’s on his feet, leaves his cup standing on the table as he turns and leaves, and tries to ignore the expression on Sebastian’s face. Because there’s fear in there, sudden worry, and for a second, it’s clear.</p><p>All the million things in his mind, the silent screams, the things he’d never say…</p><p>Sebastian hears all of it.</p><p>Blaine runs. Behind him, Sebastian calls his name, but he can’t look back.</p><p>He runs.</p>
<hr/><p>He’s seen it coming, really. So many moments when he could tell something was up. Kurt has spent days stuck to his phone, even more than usual, grinning, giggling, typing things. Even during glee club, even when he’s talking to Rachel about their auditions, and obviously it has to be important if it can get his attention over <em>that</em>.</p><p>There have been signs.</p><p>But when Blaine takes the constantly vibrating phone and sees dozens and dozens of texts, flirting, between Kurt and <em>Chandler</em>, whoever he is…</p><p>Something breaks.</p><p>Maybe it’s his heart. Maybe his mind. Maybe the world around him.</p><p>All of it, maybe.</p><p>The phone falls from his hand, and maybe he should leave it there, but instead, he takes it, looks at it again. He reads the words, and every single one digs under his skin, into his heart, and there’s no air, none he can breathe at least, and it’s ringing in his ears. He can feel himself starting to dissolve, like particles of him are floating up into the air, like foam, scattered into the wind.</p><p>He gave up everything, his voice, his home, his place of belonging and safety, and all of it for Kurt, and for what?</p><p>Kurt doesn’t need him. By the end of the year, Kurt is going to leave him behind, probably forget him the second he turns his back, and be off to New York, with Rachel, with <em>Chandler</em>, whoever that is, and Blaine…</p><p>What a joke he is.</p><p>Kurt comes in, rambling about something he can’t even grasp, and maybe Blaine should forget it, drop the phone and pretend he never saw anything. But he’s all out of energy to hold up any masks.</p><p>“Who’s Chandler?” he asks.</p><p>It’s all downhill from there. He doesn’t even understand how the conversation slips through his fingers, but suddenly it’s not about Kurt flirting with another guy, it’s about Blaine taking too much attention, not being a good enough boyfriend, <em>I’m sorry if this upsets you</em>, and then, maybe the death knell,</p><p>“This is okay!” Kurt’s voice is shrill, like Blaine is the one being unreasonable.</p><p>The words run through his mind, like bells ringing, and he can only stare at Kurt.</p><p>“Okay,” he repeats, and even his voice hurts, in his throat, in his ears.</p><p>“Nothing is okay.”</p><p>Kurt stares at him, and like a bucket of cold water, Blaine suddenly realizes the worst part of it.</p><p>He doesn’t understand. After everything, Kurt still doesn’t hear him.</p>
<hr/><p>He drives, not knowing where, or how long or even why. He ends up away from anything, down a gravel path, away from Lima, and McKinley, and Kurt and everyone. He drives to a point where he’s sure nobody else is around, he gets out of his car, and he screams.</p><p>It doesn’t matter after all, if he does it in the middle of school, or in the middle of nowhere because. There is no difference. Nobody hears him anyway.</p><p>He’s thrown it all away, just for the hope of love, and it’s such a joke, such a cliché. He screams, as if he can turn back time, as if just being loud enough will make this better. Everything is pain, and he thought feeling anything would be better, but it’s not, not like this. He screams until his voice gives out, and he has nothing left to do but cry. His voice is gone completely, and soon he will be too, just traces of foam on the ocean to be washed away by the waves.</p><p>He comes home much later than he promised. He checks his phone, and he sees almost a dozen missed calls from his mother, texts as well. He can’t stop himself from scrolling through it, hoping there’d be at least something from Kurt, an apology or something, but he knows it won’t come. Because Kurt has turned it around, hasn’t he? It’s already Blaine’s fault, so why apologize? And it’s not fair, but he’s not surprised.</p><p>What surprises him is a text from Nick. Not really Nick, obviously.</p><p>
  <em>I’m sorry. I know, I overstepped. But you’re not okay. And I got scared. So it’s okay if you never want to talk to me again. But if you do, I promise I’ll listen. Just please, be safe. I need you to be safe. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sebastian</em>
</p><p>He doesn’t understand, but he doesn’t have the energy to wonder. He gets out of his car and gets inside. His mother rushes over when she hears the door, and Blaine freezes. She’s crying, a single sob bursting through as she takes him in, and then she pulls him into her arms, into a crushing hug.</p><p>Blaine breaks.</p><p>He holds onto her, as if he’s drowning, as if this is all that could keep him together. They’re both crying, he doesn’t know how long.</p><p>It’s liberating, to not only feel the pain but to let it out, to share it, and find it reflected from his mom, who holds him and comforts him, like she could actually still take away all the bad things.</p><p>Once they’re all cried out, she leads him back to the living room, sits him down on the sofa, and fixes him with a determined look.</p><p>“You’re not okay.”</p><p>He wonders what he should say, whether he should bring up Kurt, or Chandler, McKinley or Sebastian, or anything. But every aspect of it just seems so trivial. Instead, he shakes his head.</p><p>“I’m so sorry,” his mom says. “I should have noticed. I guess I just thought if you were having troubles, you’d tell me. And you talked about school, and New Directions, and it sounded just a bit chaotic, but fun. So I thought it was okay. That we didn’t have to worry about you.”</p><p>He closes his eyes, another wave of pain rushing through his throat. It’s not her fault, he wanted to seem okay. He thought he could actually fake it till he made it. There’s no blame on her.</p><p>She continues.</p><p>“I guess I should have listened to the things you didn’t tell me,” she says. “I should have seen that you didn’t have that spark in your eyes that you used to.” She sighs, shaking her head. “Even before, with that poor boy who tried to… I was shocked, but I was so sure that at least we don’t have to worry about that. That you were safe, and happy… I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I should have seen.”</p><p>“Why are you saying all this?” Blaine asks softly. He’s grateful, isn’t sure he would have been able to continue this charade one more day, but also not sure if he’d been able to find enough energy to bring it up himself.</p><p>“Your friend Sebastian was here. He was really worried about you. And when he said you’re not okay, I looked back onto the last few weeks, and then even further, and…” She stops, like she’s choking on the words. “Then I got really worried, too.”</p><p>He closes his eyes, the words of that text echoing in his mind.</p><p>“I haven’t been happy in a while,” he admits, his voice low because it’s still hard to put it into words. “I thought I did the right thing, going to McKinley. To give up my voice, and the Warblers, and have love and happiness, and then it all went wrong. I was wrong, or maybe I <em>am</em> wrong. I threw it all away, and he doesn’t even care. And I feel so stupid. And everything is cold, and hard, and…” he stops, shaking his head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”</p><p>He looks up to meet her eyes, and he isn’t sure he’s ever been this scared of anything. He doesn’t know if he can cope if she looks at him with confusion, or doubt, or skepticism. If he isn’t heard now…</p><p>She looks back at him, her eyes again tear-filled, like she’s sharing his pain. She takes his hands, grips it tight enough to hurt, and he answers with the same strength.</p><p>Because… she heard him.</p><p>“There’s nothing wrong with you, sweetheart. But we can’t just pretend everything is okay when it isn’t.” She takes a moment to breathe, and when she looks back at him there’s a new determination. “Here’s what we’re doing. We’re taking the rest of the week off. No school, no work. Let’s get out for a bit. A mini-holiday. We haven’t been at Disney in years.”</p><p>Blaine smiles, even as he feels the mask slipping back in place. It does sound nice, not to see McKinley, and <em>Kurt</em>, if only for a few days to sort himself out. He can see himself having fun, even. But he isn’t naïve enough to think this will actually solve anything.</p><p>“When we’re back though,” his mom continues, and now she looks more serious, “I want you to see someone. A therapist. They sent us this list of all kinds of mental health resources, I’m sure we’ll find someone you can work with. We’ll do whatever is necessary to make you feel better.”</p><p>His eyes widen, and something warm blossoms inside his chest. He nods, even as he tries to wrap his mind around this. This… yes, this might help.</p><p>His mother smiles again, and this time, the one he gives in response is genuine.</p>
<hr/><p>Distance helps, at least it gives him a chance to breathe. He doesn’t know yet if therapy is going to help him, but at least it’s a chance. He and his mom have spent all night talking about everything going on, at McKinley, and at glee club, and with his… ex-boyfriend now, he guesses? They talk about the Warblers and Sebastian, about how voiceless he felt. They cry a lot, but when he goes to sleep that night, he already feels lighter.</p><p>They take their trip to Disney, and it too helps. Blaine isn’t sure if it’s the nostalgia, or just getting away from McKinley and all its secret messes.</p><p>Kurt actually thinks to text him, after three days in which they haven’t seen each other. But he’s not here to deal with his life right now. He’s here to ignore it for a bit. So he doesn’t read the text, or the other ones that follow. Maybe he’ll read later, when he gets too curious over whether they’re an apology or more blame. But right now, he can’t be bothered with it.</p><p>He does unblock Sebastian, though, calls him from his hotel room.</p><p>There’s relief in Sebastian’s voice when he greets him – maybe because Blaine finally reaches out, or maybe because he’s been really scared. At some point Blaine will have to ask him just how much he saw that moment at the Lima Bean, though maybe he’ll wait until he feels a bit more stable.</p><p>“I feel like I should say something about how you had no right to talk to my mom,” Blaine says, “but I’m actually glad you did. I just… really needed someone to hear me. And I thought that wasn’t allowed. Like I traded that away the moment I left Dalton for McKinley.” He sighs, shaking his head although Sebastian obviously can’t see the gesture. “I’m a bit of a mess. But I’m trying to get better.”</p><p>“That’s good,” Sebastian says, and Blaine can picture him, lying down in his dorm room, playing with a thread on his sheets. “And I know, I overstepped some boundaries, I just…” He stops, and when he speaks again, his voice is too heavy. “After what happened with Karofsky and everything… I don’t think I could have ever forgiven myself if something happened to you.”</p><p>Blaine closes his eyes, trying to choke down the tears that come way too easily now that the floodgates were opened once. “It wasn’t that bad,” he says. It’s the truth, his world hadn’t become that dark. But it’s scary enough just to think that he was on a path leading there, even if it was far off.</p><p>“I’m glad,” Sebastian says. “So… what’s next?”</p><p>“Therapy.” The word sounds like salvation, and Blaine tries to rein himself in. He shouldn’t go into this with too big expectations, or he’ll get hurt all over again. Still, there’s hope growing in him. “Mom already started looking. I know, it’s going to be a lot of work. But I’m already feeling so much better that I’m getting help. That I have someone on my side.”</p><p>“It sounds good,” Sebastian said. “And you’ve clearly already thought things through a bit. But you know, there are a lot of people on your side. I could show you just a few. Do you want to come over to Dalton tomorrow? I’ll make sure to get people in line, so they’re not overwhelming you.”</p><p>“I’m not at home, actually. My mom took me on a trip.” Blaine smiles, looking up at the painted ceiling. “But when I come back… I’d like to meet up. Because… I miss you, too. And our friendship. I think I want that back.”</p><p>There’s so much relief in that single breath leaving Sebastian’s lungs, that Blaine feels the warmth of it rushing over his skin hundreds of miles away.</p><p>“Of course,” he says. A chuckle. “I promise to behave.”</p><p>“You should,” Blaine replies, not even trying to suppress the grin on his face. “All family friendly, got it? No hitting on me, Smythe.”</p><p>Sebastian sighs, melodramatically. “Guess I had that coming, going after a taken man.”</p><p>“I won’t be,” Blaine says, suddenly serious. “But I’ll have to put that behind me, and I have to figure out what’s going on with me, and how to be okay again. That’s going to be complicated enough without any other distractions. And I could probably really use a friend.”</p><p>He can imagine Sebastian’s face, dropping that mask of carelessness, and he knows, if they were at the same place, the Warbler would be looking at him, seeing him. Hearing him. The thought still makes him nervous, but the fear from before has dissolved.</p><p>“I’ve got you,” Sebastian says.</p><p>Blaine smiles up at the ceiling.</p><p>Not everything is solved. That’s okay, it will take time, but he’s hopeful.</p>
<hr/><p>He plans to talk to Kurt once he returns to McKinley, put it all out in the open and hopefully make a clean cut, as far as it’s still possible. But Kurt isn’t anywhere to be seen. It’s only in glee club, and before he can signal that he wants to talk in private, everyone else comes in and sits down, as the piano starts and Kurt sings to him.</p><p>There’s grumbling around him, something about Whitney Houston week being over, but it barely registers. It’s painful, listening and watching to the sincerity in Kurt’s voice, and there’s something treacherous inside Blaine that rises, wonders if maybe he judged too fast, if maybe they could make this work after all, if Kurt tries harder, and Blaine fixes himself… But he reminds himself of the last months, how lonely he’s felt, the fear in Sebastian’s eyes and the relief in his voice, his mother’s tears…</p><p>He can’t do this, not with Kurt, not now. Not until he’s better.</p><p>They talk after glee club, and while it breaks his heart in a way, Blaine stands firm. He walks out of the school single, away from his first break-up. The following days Kurt tries again to get him to talk, maybe with Ms. Pillsbury for couple’s counselling. When Blaine isn’t sure how long he can withstand the onslaught, he asks Sebastian to pick him up after school, in full view of all of New Directions. Blaine hugs him, longer than strictly necessary, before getting into his car.</p><p>Kurt doesn’t talk to him again.</p><p>His first meeting with a therapist… it doesn’t go well. Half an hour, just to get to know each other, and when Blaine walks out the door, he never wants to see the guy again. His mother picks him up, hugs him, and promises to keep looking. He’s luckier with the second choice, Phoebe, and soon he’s seeing her twice a week.</p><p>The diagnosis of depression doesn’t really come as a surprise, but having a name does make it easier. So many things make it easier. His mom’s fierce will to fight for him, acceptance from his family – even his father, who seems helpless but promises he’ll get the best care available… he’s put on low-dose antidepressant and through every therapy lesson learns more how to deal with his emotions, and the illness, and the darkness it brought into his life.</p><p>It’s a gradual change. But breathing gets easier. It feels less like he’s in a different world. He doesn’t treat glee club as a second therapy, but he completely abandons holding back. Performing starts feeling natural again, not like he’s dancing on blades.</p><p>Strange enough, nobody at New Directions really seems to care about him breaking up with Kurt. He isn’t sure what to think of it. For so long he was sure that he was nothing more than Kurt’s boyfriend to most of them, but now that they’re broken up, nobody is treating him worse. Finn pats his back, Mike and Puck invite him over to a video game session, which becomes a kind of weekly thing. Now that he isn’t Kurt’s boyfriend, people start treating him like his own person.</p><p>Rachel sits him down, very earnestly, and gives her condolences to the end of their relationship, warns him to be careful in case he starts anything with Sebastian, and then she tells him a long story about how she understands caring for someone from another club, and while she’s very sorry to see he and Kurt couldn’t make things work, she hopes to still be friends with him.</p><p>New Directions break up with each other so much, it really shouldn’t come as a surprise that this isn’t treated differently.</p><p>Blaine is swept up in Nationals preparations. He drops a few extracurriculars to make time for therapy, and also to have a bit more room to breathe. He uses his free time to work on himself, and spends more time with the guys from New Directions, and of course, there’s Sebastian.</p><p>True to his word, Sebastian acts like a perfect gentleman. He holds back in a way Blaine isn’t used to. Really, he almost feels uneasy about it. But then, Sebastian sneaks in a piece of innuendo that takes Blaine a second to register, and they’re laughing. It feels like they’re going to be okay. So the next time he’s invited to a game night at Puck’s, he brings Sebastian with him. There’s a bit of awkwardness, but once they start playing, they all get along.</p><p>He expects there to be new rumors about him and Sebastian, but really, nothing changes. They probably think he and Sebastian are dating anyway, and they don’t care about that either.</p><p>The next weekend, Sebastian invites him to visit Dalton for a movie night. He’s even more nervous about that, but he can see that Sebastian is hopeful about it, so he agrees. When he steps out of his car, sees the buildings in front of him, the nostalgia hits him like a tsunami, so strong that he can’t breathe for a second. Sebastian meets him, signs him in as they walk into the dorm building. If he sees just how hard Blaine takes it, he doesn’t comment. Instead, he leads Blaine inside and to the commons, where the projector is ready, different snacks and non-alcoholic drinks (which he knows have been spiked somehow, by someone, because this isn’t his first Dalton party) are lined up on tables, and basically all of the warblers are sitting on sofas or pillows, with a smaller group arguing about movies. It’s like watching a memory, or coming back to a place of his childhood, something he’s no longer part of, even if it feels like something so essential within him. Sebastian takes a hold of his hand, squeezes it just for a second, and then he draws attention to them. It’s awkward for a moment as Blaine watches them, not sure what comes next. Sebastian clears his throat beside him.</p><p>Trent is the first to move, as he steps right in front of Blaine offering his hand.</p><p>“We’re so sorry.”</p><p>Blaine shakes it, for a moment overwhelmed with feelings, too much to speak, but at least he is stable enough now not to cry. More apologies follow, from him as well, for abandoning them. It gets almost mushy, until both Sebastian and Nick step in, and a minute later, they’re arguing about movies again, Blaine as loud as the rest of them. By the time a movie is selected – Fight Club, like they haven’t seen it a million times yet – Blaine feels at home again. He sits beside Sebastian on one of the couches, and as he watches a movie he almost knows by heart, he’s surprised with how easy it’s become to breathe.</p><p>Another movie follows, and another, and at some point Blaine finds himself leaning against Sebastian’s shoulder. Later, Sebastian’s arm is around him, a warm and solid weight. He closes his eyes, smiling. He’s not ready yet, still has a long way to go, but he’s feeling more like himself every day.</p><p>“Having fun?” Sebastian asks, breathing the words into his hair.</p><p>Blaine nods, cuddling closer. “Thanks for bringing me here.”</p><p>He was so sure he signed it all away forever, his voice, his home, all for the hope of love. Looking back, it’s scary how narrow his view had become. In the end, it was just a string of bad decisions, not really as monumental or catastrophic as it had felt. Now, he can look back, he can look ahead, he can look around. As he’s drifting off to sleep against Sebastian’s shoulder, another thought sneaks into his mind.</p><p>This feels right. This feels like home.</p>
<hr/><p>The last weeks of the school year are hectic, the New Directions coming together to do the impossible. They pull off an amazing show at Nationals, and when they’re announced as the winner, Blaine almost has an out of body experience.</p><p>Everyone around him is screaming, cheering, like none of them can really believe it. Blaine definitely can’t, not until they leave the stage, and he sees Sebastian walking up to him – he came all the way, just to see him, and Blaine wonders why he even is surprised about it. At that point, nothing else makes sense but meet him in the middle, and cut off the congratulations with a kiss. Sebastian goes with the program, one hand grabbing into his hair, and one on his ass, kissing him back with even more fervor.</p><p>It’s real.</p><p>He drags Sebastian to their victory party, ignoring the way Kurt glares at them. Nobody else really seems to mind Sebastian’s presence. And when later, he has the guys cover for him so he can sneak off to Sebastian’s hotel room… then, well, it really isn’t anybody’s business.</p>
<hr/><p>The summer sun burns down hot, and Blaine couldn’t be more content. His eyes are closed, as he floats on his back in a pool Puck invited them to. He isn’t sure if they’re allowed to be here, but for now, he decides not to worry about anything.</p><p>It took him long enough to get to this point, where he can just let go and relax. But he’s getting there, he’s definitely getting there. There’s a chuckle from the edge of the pool, and he opens his eyes, looking at where Sebastian’s sitting, his legs lazily moving in the water. With a smile, Blaine swims closer. He pushes himself out of the water and lies down, resting his head in Sebastian’s lap.</p><p>“You know, if you’re down there already…” Sebastian begins, and Blaine laughs, slapping a hand against his chest.</p><p>Sebastian rolls his eyes, but grins down at him. Like he’s happy. It’s a good look on him.</p><p>He sits up, and presses a kiss onto Sebastian’s lips, slow and deep, and promising more.</p><p>There are whistles from some of the New Directions, Puck shouting “Get some, Anderson!”, Tina yelling “Get a room!”, and he’s pretty sure Sebastian’s flipping both of them off, but he doesn’t bother to look.</p><p>He’s going to miss this. After all, most of the people here are going to be gone next year anyway – Blaine included.</p><p>It’s almost ridiculous how nervous he was when he approached his parents after long deliberation, to ask them if he could transfer back to Dalton. He remembers the look of surprise on his father’s face, like he never even considered another option. <em>Of course, </em>he’s going back to Dalton. Why would they leave him at a school with a worse reputation that made him this miserable? His father still doesn’t quite understand the concept of depression, but Blaine knows he’s trying, and that’s something at least.</p><p>This is not where he thought he’d be a year ago. He spends his summer days with Warblers, New Directions, they go to parties, to the pool, sometimes karaoke. Sebastian takes him to Scandals again, and this time there’s no guilty conscience as they dance the night away, before making out in the backseat of Sebastian’s car.</p><p>When the vacation is over, he’ll be back at Dalton. He’ll reclaim his voice, and everything else he gave up. Once, when he cleaned out his locker at McKinley, he saw Sue Sylvester pass by. He held his breath, wondering if there were consequences for breaking whatever deal there was. But she kept walking, as if she didn’t remember, or maybe didn’t even recognize who he was, or maybe she just doesn’t care.</p><p>Maybe that’s for the best.</p><p>They sit together at the edge of the pool, Sebastian keeping an arm around him, even as they end up in a heated discussion on comic book characters, Sebastian easily keeping up even with him and Sam. He’s comfortable, and more surprisingly…</p><p>Sebastian turns to him pressing a short kiss against his temple, just because he can. He knows he’s not quite out of the woods yet, but he’s getting there.</p><p>“Are you okay?” Sebastian mutters.</p><p>Blaine nods, because he realizes… he is. Good, even. Right now, in this moment, his friends splashing around, Sebastian’s arm warm and solid around him, his future no longer clouded but opening up again, he can feel it.</p><p>“I’m happy,” he says.</p><p>There are so many things he isn’t saying, feelings he isn’t expressing, because really, this is what it boils down to. And as Sebastian kisses him, in earnest, Blaine realizes he doesn’t have to say it. Sebastian hears the words anyway.</p><p>He pulls back, looking up into Sebastian’s eyes, green and sparkling, and he smiles.</p><p>“I’m happy.”</p>
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